Are We a ‘Postmodern Family’? Understanding How Families Are Changing

Does it sometimes feel like the idea of a “perfect family” is a bit like a fairytale? You’re not alone! For decades, the image of the “traditional nuclear family” has been held up as the ideal. But as the writers of the book Changing Family Values explore, this ideal was never the whole story, and today’s families are more diverse, flexible, and creative than ever.

Let’s explore this shift away from a single ideal and celebrate the rise of what some researchers call the “postmodern family.”

Moving Beyond a Single Story

For a long time, there has been a powerful ideology that promotes one specific family type as natural, normal, and ideal: the patriarchal, heterosexist, white, middle-class, nuclear family. This is the model where there is a male breadwinner and a financially dependent female home-maker.

The problem, as many feminist scholars point out, is that this ideal often bears little resemblance to the diverse reality of how families have always lived. It excludes and devalues a whole range of other family forms, creating pressure for families to fit a mold that may not suit them. The constant talk about a “family crisis” is often just a reaction to the fact that fewer families today look like that single, narrow ideal.

But here’s a comforting thought: researchers have found that there’s nothing new about the idea that the family is in crisis. Similar moral panics happened at the end of the 1800s, suggesting that anxiety about changing families is a recurring theme in history.

What Is a “Postmodern Family”?

So, if the “modern” family was the nuclear ideal, what is the “postmodern family”?

Sociologist Judith Stacey describes it as the “messy, improvisational patchwork of postmodern family life”. It isn’t one single structure, but a vibrant and fluid collection of many different ways of being a family. It acknowledges the reality of our lives today.

Changes that define the “postmodern family condition” include:

• The growth of domestic partnerships and cohabitation.
• A decline in the popularity of marriage.
• Higher rates of divorce and remarriage (serial monogamy).
• The rise of re-formed or step-families.
• An increase in single parenthood.
• The commonality of two-career households.

This isn’t a sign of breakdown. In fact, many scholars argue that the crisis of the old nuclear family system was already happening in the 1960s, and it was this deep change—along with more women entering higher education and the workforce—that helped generate modern feminism, not the other way around. We are simply seeing families adapt, change, and reinvent themselves to fit the world we live in now.

The idea of the “postmodern family” gives us permission to stop worrying about measuring up to an outdated ideal. Instead, we can celebrate the unique and wonderful family we actually have. That “messy, improvisational patchwork” isn’t a problem to be solved; it’s a beautiful creation that is uniquely yours.

We are going to deal with important question in much more detail in the last Module – Module 12.

Now that we have a better sense of our values, the next question is: how do we make them a real, living part of our family? The answer is through traditions. The following heartwarming video showcases how simple, repeated moments create a powerful sense of belonging. As you watch, think about the traditions from your own childhood and the ones you want to create for your children.

References:

• Jagger, G., & Wright, C. (Eds.). (1999). Changing Family Values. Routledge.