Module 12 – Worksheet 3: The Gardener & Carpenter Audit

Goal: To reflect on our own ingrained ideas about gender, using Alison Gopnik’s “Gardener vs. Carpenter” metaphor to create a more accepting home for all forms of identity.

Part 1: Reflecting on the Metaphor 🌱

Alison Gopnik (Module 2) and this module’s articles suggest we be “Gardeners” (creating a safe environment for growth) rather than “Carpenters” (trying to build a specific child).

• When do I act like a “Carpenter” with my child? (Trying to force them into a box, e.g., “Boys don’t cry,” “You should be more ‘girly’.”)

• How can I be more of a “Gardener” in that exact situation? (Creating safety to explore, e.g., “It’s okay to feel that,” “I love watching you discover what you like.”)

Part 2: Our Family’s “Who Does What?” Audit 📋

Be honest! Who usually does the following in your home? (Mark with M for Mom/female partner, D for Dad/male partner, S for Shared, or C for Child)

Part 3: One Playful Swap 🔄

Looking at the list, what is one task you could “de-gender” or swap this week to model flexibility?

• Example: I will teach my son how to load the dishwasher, a job he’s never done.
• Example: My partner and I will purposefully swap our “usual” bedtime routine roles (e.g., the one who usually does bath will read stories instead).

Our one playful swap this week will be: